my first relationship in real life with a woman.Okay so when I discovered I was bi sexual, I really liked this girl. Her name was Sarah, now because past experiences, I was too shy to tell her. I didn't want to lose her like I did before with someone else.
Anyway, after a while of being friends I spoke to her on Skype. Now as Cara and other people will say that I'm bad at flirting.. I tried flirting and it hinted that I liked her, but too much. So her reaction was "Okay. I'm sensing you like me more than a friend." and I said "Yeah.." she then said, "Okay. We can date. I sorta want to experiment with someone so I think this could benefit both of us. But keep this to yourself, it's just between us." So we dated for a week.
But there's more! The next day after I agreed to being her girlfriend was quite different to me, when I saw her my body literally fucking shook with fear. I remember the night she said we were dating, I couldn't stop thinking about her and I just wanted her with me really badly. She hugged me really tig
Depression.Depression feels like you've been sucked into a hole with no escape, very little air. Feels like someone's pushing you down, holding you and crushing your stomach. It feels like your drowning in air, yet everyone else is breathing.
You try to get better, some days you feel better than others but that doesn't mean your "cured." it just means your a bit happier than the previous day. In other words, you could say depression is where the days go by are covered in fog; sometimes the following days are brighter than others, but still have fog - around the edges. Sometimes it's really dark and gloomy, and its hard to make them bright.
We all have different ways of dealing with it, medication, talking to people; whether that be a therapist or your family or friends, alcohol, cutting, illegal drugs, unsubscribed medication, and so on and so forth. We all have different ways, yes perhaps not always a healthy option is chosen but at least it's something that dulls the pain.
I can live with.I can live with you not loving me.
I can live with you not believing that I love you.
I can live with you saying "I don't love you, or I'll never love you."
I can live with you not wanting to love me.
I can't live with you loving someone else.
I can't live with you saying "I love you." to another person.
Those two things feel like a rusty hundred daggers, being pushed into my heart. It feels like I'm screaming you not to leave me, but your too busy with the person you love you can't hear me. It feels like I'm dying inside and I can't have anyone save me. No medication, no happiness, no nothing.
But I guess I have to live with that.
Your the reasonYour the reason why my eyes get sore from crying.
Your the reason why I can't sleep at night.
Your the reason why I can't stop thinking about you.
Your the reason why I can't live a day without you.
Your the reason why whenever I'm alone and upset I want you.
Your the reason why I cuddle my quilt or pillows wanting you to hold me.
Your the reason why I imagine you with me all the time.
Your the reason why I go crazy when we don't talk at all.
Your the reason why I need you.
Sometimes I wish.
Sometimes I wish my thighs were the size of calves,
and my calves were the same size as slender tree branches.
And my arms were the size of wrists.
But maybe it's just that I want my brain to be size of my heart,
so that my love for you can be bigger than these thoughts.
Can I be your cigarette?Can I be your cigarette?
So you can pull me out of dark areas,
So you can warm me up when I'm cold.
Keep me warm and safe in your fingers,
So you can keep me in and on your lips.
So you can inhale me; even though I'm deadly.
But you don't really care about that because you love that deadly feel in your lungs.
Can I be your cigarette?