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Tr4nsg3n3r - How does it feel?I woke up one day.. I felt trapped enough..
But.. I saw the boulders on my chest..
I hate them being there. I can dress like a guy
But I hate being someone who I'm not...
I'm stuck.. Help me out..
I dress like a boy and get mistaken for one;
I like it, my mum doesn't and screams...
With anger and hate.. I hate it..
I am a boy.. Just on the inside..
Not the outside..
I..I tried going into the gentlemen toilets,
I wanted to see inside and see what it was like
It smelled a lot but it felt right being there..
Security caught me though and called my parents..
I had to tell them.. Everything..
They couldn't take it and my dad said for me;
for me to be a girl, grow my hair out,
Dress up like some fucking doll
I can't take that.. I am a boy..
This is how it feels..
What you do to me..I look at you and your beauty kills my heart
It feels like a thousand knifes stabbing into me
Your scent takes my breath away;
So sweet and warming I don't want to smell..
Any other smell.
When you hold me close..
I melt I don't want to ever let go
The warmth of your body is overwhelming
I wish you could stay, I don't want us being a..
A memory.. I don't want you going..
Stay with me please don't go,
You may not love me
But I love you.. Please.. Don't go
I can't have my heartbreak..
I can't do anything to stop you from leaving
I know you won't miss me..
But I'll say this..
This is what you do to me..
I hurt you..You head that I said things,
They were false though
False against my name
You believed it though..
Its okay, I understand
I know I don't explain much;
or hardly anything to you
But its because I'm so insecure
around you.. Around everyone..
I feel so stupid for not making sense
and for you to have every right
too.. I'm stupid and no good..
No good for anyone..
Find someone else..
I'll probably just hurt you again..
I know that I can't do much,
I won't force you to be with me..
I'm not going to try as I know..
I hurt you..
Fuck off - I've seen the real you.So you think I'm just someone you can ignore?
A invisible person that will never be remembered?
Watch it, what you wish for could be a reality.
I hope you can feel the pain I'm in.
I'm going to go one day but I hope you knew
how much you actually mean to me.
Not that you care. Not that you ever cared.
I've seen the real you and I want you
To just see that! I love you. You don't care.
I hate you right now, Just seeing your name;
Makes me bloody sick. I hate it.
I've had enough..
Let me take my life.
Should I take your life for you?
Just so no more misery is caused?!
Sometimes I feel like that's a good option..
I hate myself for thinking it though..
I love you too much..
Too bad.. I've seen the real you..
Because now I've seen that..
I've done believing in anyone..
I miss the fake
Unfinished painting.I have a paintbrush here
and a canvas
Only difference is though...
The canvas is my arms
and well.. The brush?
The blood is the paint and is
available, pretty much all;
all the time. I just get the brush
and start. Nothing else.
The more people say..
Hurtful, annoying and
stupid things I start
I start again to edit
and what was on it..
I can't stop the painting though
I must do it, till its complete..
Oh wait, it will always be..
A unfinished painting.
My heart isn't your toy.Why do you play with my heart?
You act so nice and comforting,
then in the next few moments..
All of that fades? Why?
It feels like you're dragging my body;
Dragging it into a hole of loneliness
pain, and fear are only to come next..
I hate it, yet I can't draw myself away..
You are a mistake in my life..
That I still love..
I love how you hold me close and cuddle me
but when you have to go,
I fear of that defensive and cold side of you..
I keep telling myself, its just a phase..
I have nothing to believe in now.
Not even you, the one I love..
To depression, for creating days without endWake up to the realization that you've been awake
for seconds, minutes, hours.
You've been awake in this warm, dark room
and you don't know how long it's been
but now you're conscious
and it starts again--
the pain, strong and steady, in your chest.
You gain consciousness in this too warm morning
and your thoughts whir in endless loops
because it's either that or face the weight in your chest.
Light breaks though the window, soft and unwelcome
but you take it as a reluctant gift--
a new distraction from the feelings awake in your chest.
Awake, but not conscious.
So you think yourself in circles a little while longer
waiting for those quiet pains
(the constant reminder)
to gain consciousness.
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More